Finding Joy in the "Lasts"

There are many small things that we do for the last time as we are raising our children without realizing that we are doing them for the last time. There's the last time we rock them to sleep. The last time we give them a bath. The last time we help them brush their teeth. The last time we drive them to school. We might notice these things as they happen, but most often we simply realize later that we've stopped. And to me, it has always made me a little sad when I do. Not because I don't want my children to be independent. Because I do. Not because I don't understand that the process of them growing up involves them pulling away and doing for themselves what we've done for them. Because I get it. But because there is nothing in this world that I love more than my children and being their mom. Because every little milestone is a reminder that my time having them all under my roof is fleeting. When they were small, our universe revolved around our home...they came and went, usually with me, and I always knew where they were and I had this beautiful, wonderful life full of time with my babies. As they grow up, they are, naturally, busy with their own activities, friends, and busy-ness. And I just feel a little bit sad about the time that has passed.

Today was one of those lasts. I saw it coming. I wished it wasn't so. But it was. It was the *last* time I watched my Kate play soccer. For 14 years I have had a front row seat to watch my girl play the sport she loves more than any other. I've watched her play on countless fields, for countless coaches, with countless teammates. I've loved every second of it because she does and I love her. She's taught me to love this sport because her love for it is infectious. I cried as I watched her get hurt on a field in Kansas. I prayed as she went through a surgery and the therapy to get back and prayed even more as she went through a second surgery and MORE therapy. I cried when she stepped back on the field after 22 months. I cried when she scored her first goal after coming back and I cried at the goals that came after that. Because I love my girl. And I am so darn proud of her. There are many people who would have given up long ago. But she is strong and determined and fierce. And playing soccer after everything she's been through has been a tangible display of that for all of us to see. And tonight, in a playoff game in Sioux Falls, the chapter closed. And once again, I cried.

She may play again. You never know what will happen. Once upon a time she dreamed of playing in college, but then life happened and her dreams changed just a bit. And the truth is, her dreams have always been much bigger than soccer. The college she chooses will be chosen because it has the right fit academically, not based on whether it has a soccer program she could play for. And I wouldn't have that any other way. If she plays again, you can bet I will be there to watch, but this really might be it. Because this is one more of those things that will become part of her past. And this mama will always get at least a little weepy when I think about that. I can't help it.

So tonight I say goodbye to my days as a soccer mom (more accurately as *Kate's soccer mom*) with tears in my eyes because I will miss these days. They are days I will look back on fondly. They are days I will never forget. They are days that have truly been a blessing. And as we close this chapter, I will love keeping my front row seat to watch where this life takes Miss Kate. Because I have no doubt the next chapter will be just as much fun to watch. I love you, Kate. More and Always. Thank you for all the soccer memories. 

XOXOXOXO