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As summers go, this one's been a doozy. We've been on what has felt like a turbo-speed roller coaster with one significant life event after another coming at us, and for extra fun, there have been all sorts of "bonus" ingredients thrown in. We hit the ground running in May with both a high school and a college graduation for our oldest girls, followed by a fabulous family vacation out east. We've had job changes including a first "grown-up job" for our college graduate and lots of transitions. We've had Rob away for 6 weeks for work, which has been hard on the whole family. Yesterday, we added another milestone to the pile as we helped Kate lug mounds of pillows, tubs of clothes, and totes full of everything she could possibly need to move her into her dorm at college.
Since this is child #2 at our house setting off to college, one might think that it would be a little easier. One would be wrong. As we made the 4 1/2 hour drive to the Iowa campus, raindrops sprinkling from the sky quickly turned into torrents of rain. At several points the rain was so bad that it forced us to pull off the interstate and wait it out, turning that 4 1/2 hour drive into a 7 hour trek. At the time, I felt frustrated, worrying that it was going to cut into my time to settle my girl into her room or cause me to be driving home too late with my other kids. I grumbled to myself that if only the rain would let up, we could get on with our plans. I huffed about the fact that it's hardly rained all summer but THIS day it chooses to pour buckets on us all day long! I complained that it wasn't "fair" that I already had to do this without Rob because he was away for work, and now the rain was ruining it all! That pesky rain was surely an annoyance and a bother and could go away any time and it would be none too soon!
It was only after we arrived on campus, after we loaded all Kate's treasures into her room and got everything settled and set up for her...after we took her to the grocery store and took her to supper, after we got her settled back in her dorm and set out in the night to make our way back home that the truth occurred to me. God knew what He was doing. God always knows what He is doing. The rain was not an annoyance, it wasn't in the way. The rain was just what I needed. It was a distraction. It was God crying my tears for me. The tears I had inside that came later when I had room to be still and quiet but that were kept at bay while I needed them to be. God was crying with me and for me....He knows my heart and He knows the joy I find in watching each of my children grow into the amazing young people He created. He knows how excited I am for Kate and for all the adventures she will have at college over the next four years. But He also knows my mama heart and He knows the ache I feel when one of my babies is not in the nest. He knows I long for just a little more time and He knows that a little would never be enough. He wept with me today because He hurts when I hurt. Tomorrow, there will be more tears...tears as I walk by her too-empty, too-quiet bedroom. More tears as she's not there to laugh at a silly joke that only she and I would get and tears as she can't wander into my bedroom at night to sit and talk about nothing and about everything. But there will also be joy as I hear her excitement on the phone as she tells me about a friend she made, a professor she learns from, a new experience she has. And God will be there with me, experiencing that joy of watching our girl spread her wings and fly. And that is a very good thing.
