Finding Joy in the "Lasts"

There are many small things that we do for the last time as we are raising our children without realizing that we are doing them for the last time. There's the last time we rock them to sleep. The last time we give them a bath. The last time we help them brush their teeth. The last time we drive them to school. We might notice these things as they happen, but most often we simply realize later that we've stopped. And to me, it has always made me a little sad when I do. Not because I don't want my children to be independent. Because I do. Not because I don't understand that the process of them growing up involves them pulling away and doing for themselves what we've done for them. Because I get it. But because there is nothing in this world that I love more than my children and being their mom. Because every little milestone is a reminder that my time having them all under my roof is fleeting. When they were small, our universe revolved around our home...they came and went, usually with me, and I always knew where they were and I had this beautiful, wonderful life full of time with my babies. As they grow up, they are, naturally, busy with their own activities, friends, and busy-ness. And I just feel a little bit sad about the time that has passed.

Today was one of those lasts. I saw it coming. I wished it wasn't so. But it was. It was the *last* time I watched my Kate play soccer. For 14 years I have had a front row seat to watch my girl play the sport she loves more than any other. I've watched her play on countless fields, for countless coaches, with countless teammates. I've loved every second of it because she does and I love her. She's taught me to love this sport because her love for it is infectious. I cried as I watched her get hurt on a field in Kansas. I prayed as she went through a surgery and the therapy to get back and prayed even more as she went through a second surgery and MORE therapy. I cried when she stepped back on the field after 22 months. I cried when she scored her first goal after coming back and I cried at the goals that came after that. Because I love my girl. And I am so darn proud of her. There are many people who would have given up long ago. But she is strong and determined and fierce. And playing soccer after everything she's been through has been a tangible display of that for all of us to see. And tonight, in a playoff game in Sioux Falls, the chapter closed. And once again, I cried.

She may play again. You never know what will happen. Once upon a time she dreamed of playing in college, but then life happened and her dreams changed just a bit. And the truth is, her dreams have always been much bigger than soccer. The college she chooses will be chosen because it has the right fit academically, not based on whether it has a soccer program she could play for. And I wouldn't have that any other way. If she plays again, you can bet I will be there to watch, but this really might be it. Because this is one more of those things that will become part of her past. And this mama will always get at least a little weepy when I think about that. I can't help it.

So tonight I say goodbye to my days as a soccer mom (more accurately as *Kate's soccer mom*) with tears in my eyes because I will miss these days. They are days I will look back on fondly. They are days I will never forget. They are days that have truly been a blessing. And as we close this chapter, I will love keeping my front row seat to watch where this life takes Miss Kate. Because I have no doubt the next chapter will be just as much fun to watch. I love you, Kate. More and Always. Thank you for all the soccer memories. 

XOXOXOXO

Prayers and Joy

During this week one year ago, we were preparing for Kate's second ACL surgery in just 9 months. We had watched our girl overcome a setback and battle through her recovery and rehab and far exceed goals and expectations set by the amazing team who wanted to help her come back. Kate has always been fiercely competitive and willing to put in the work, so, to us, it was not surprising in the least that she would excel at rehab, too. This left us ALL (including her PT and her surgeon) shocked when she ended up back at square one just days after being cleared to go back to the soccer field. It just didn't seem possible!

So, as we prepared for her to go back into surgery, I worried that this would be too much. That coming back from a second, more involved surgery and going through another recovery and another rehab would be too heavy of a burden to carry for a seventeen year old girl. That being kept away from being active the way that she loves would be depressing. That missing not one, or even two, but THREE seasons of the sport she has always loved more than anything would just be too big of a blow for her to come back from. 

And so I did the only thing I could do...I prayed. I prayed that she could find the good in all of this. I prayed that she would see that we all have lessons we must learn and our circumstances provide the opportunities for that growth to happen. I prayed that her spirit would not be broken and that she would be able to rise above this roadblock and see it for what it was: just a bump in the road. I prayed that she would know in her heart just how blessed she is and how many know suffering that is real and hard and always, and so this bump, however big it may feel in the moment, is truly so, so small. And while I prayed, I watched. I watched her battle and work and push. I watched her grow and mature and change. I watched her find the good in her circumstances and recognize them for what they were. I watched her find a passion for the idea of helping others walk this journey she's been on and I watched her find ways to use her gifts and talents and consider God's plan for her life.

And now, today, more than 21 months since we first watched our Kate fall on that soccer field in Kansas, I see joy in her face and she takes small steps back onto the soccer field. I see joy in her face as we visit colleges and consider where life may take her just one year from now. I feel her joy as she meets each milestone in this journey and reaches for the next. And I am so full of joy and so full of gratitude. Because I know how blessed we are. Our child is battling back from an injury that has kept her from something she loves, but so many watch their children battle illness and pain that keeps them from LIVING!! I pray for eyes to always see this and a heart that doesn't forget to be grateful. Above all, though, I pray for all those watching their children suffer, in any capacity, because, as parents, we suffer right along with them.

Thank you, God, for my many, many blessings.

Amen.